Are You Choosing Freedom? (Or Have You Let Them Steal It?)

This past month, the topic of freedom has come up many times.

My wife Perla saw a sign for a small dog that was lost, and I told her maybe he wasn’t lost. Maybe he had found freedom.

I imagined that dog having the time of his life out in the open, exploring the world without any leash or restraints. Many of us would rush to be concerned or protective of a small dog like this without its owner, but perhaps he will experience some new joys, learn something new, and make new friends.

Who are we to take this dog’s freedom?

The next day, I saw a YouTube episode of Eyes Wide Open (Tip: bookmark this video and check it out later), and my friend Jay was asked what the best part of being homeless was. (He used to be homeless.)

Jay answered that the best part of being homeless was freedom.

Essentially, he was free not to have to go along with someone else’s way of doing things. He was free not to always have to be connected with others. Perhaps there was more solitude, but that could also be a freeing experience.

It’s a powerful thing to realize we all have freedom if we’re willing to take it.

It’s also a powerful thing to realize that while society may sometimes feel sorry for a homeless person, even someone with few possessions has the freedom to choose their actions.

In a prior post, I said: “Every moment of every day gives you the opportunity to change it all around.” Know that we have tremendous power to choose the direction of our own lives. That is our personal freedom.

When we find ourselves lacking freedom, often we gave it up (or we let them steal it). We are responsible for the level of freedom we have in our lives.

So there is freedom of action. But what about the freedom to think what you wish to think?

When I was younger, I sometimes spent long periods alone, and while it could be lonely, those experiences helped me learn to think more freely. I could search for the best, most worthy thoughts, not being concerned if someone else approved or if they agreed with me.

Yet, the potential downside to that mental freedom is that I could head in bad or less worthy directions, and perhaps no one was there to correct me.

There is such a thing as being free to head down the wrong paths. But then again, that is part of the experience most of us go through as adults. We are given the freedom to make mistakes, to learn a lesson or not learn it, to be considerate or not. We even have the freedom to value and pursue freedom, or to seek comfort, protection, and stability.

And despite that many of us are scared to make mistakes (I used to have that aching fear), there is great value in heading down the wrong path, realizing this, then fixing this for yourself.

The freedom to make mistakes is a valuable one we all have.

Personally, I like freedom and open options, and I also like stability and comfort (for example, a home, marriage, steady income, etc.). They’re not always contradictory. I can pursue more freedom and options in areas where I want to grow in life, and I can be fine with stability and comfort in areas where I feel good with what I have.

The topic of freedom also came up in other ways, recently. It’s been a recurring theme…

After hearing about the missing dog, and Jay’s response that freedom was the best thing about being homeless, I overheard someone’s conversation about freedom at an electronics store.

Yes, even strangers around me were spontaneously bringing up freedom…

A client came in to look for a phone to buy, and he mentioned that he had broken his phone five days ago. The associate was surprised and said that he knew a lot of people who couldn’t last 24 hours without a phone.

The client said:

“At first, I was upset that my phone broke. But then I realized that without my phone, I didn’t have to answer to anybody. No one could get a hold of me or tell me what to do, and I was relieved. It was a freeing experience.”

This man was animated, glowing, and appeared to have had a personal revelation that he wanted to share, as he spoke quite loudly, and I could hear him even though I was a few aisles away.

I want you to realize that we allow everything in our lives to take a bit of our freedom. It’s not the phone that has the inner power to take our freedom, we are the ones who allow a phone or any object to restrict our options.

Let’s take a minute to explore a question. What are some things that can suck away our freedom? (If we allow them to):

Phones

How many people do you know who when they get a text, they must look at it immediately? Or they start scrolling through social media, and they lose track of time, not accomplishing what they actually wanted to do. (A song I’ve been listening to lately is actually called Doomscroller, by the band Metric.)

Email

Often, people send us emails, and we allow this to dictate our days rather than planning out what was important to us. Sure, one or two emails shouldn’t make much difference, but many professionals receive dozens of emails in a day.

Obligations

How many tasks come up that you feel obligated to do rather than truly wanting to do them? Are you allowing them to take your freedom from you, even if you sometimes find them mindless or unimportant?

Wanting to Be Liked

I suppose it’s normal to want others to like us. We are social animals, after all. But when we want to be liked so much that we only do things hoping people will want our friendship, or perceive us in a certain way, then we lose a piece of our freedom too.

None of these things in themselves are truly bad. Most people engage with all of these to some extent. I don’t believe the “solution” is to remove all of them from your life.

My personal solution to help regain my freedom from my phone is I don’t answer unknown numbers, and I happily mute it if I’m busy with something. Also, most pings and updates are shut off.

With email, I often struggle, as I like to get back to people as soon as I can, but I usually receive dozens of emails in a day. While I respond to them eventually, I don’t obligate myself to respond immediately. In fact, to avoid getting distracted with my main goals for the day, I batch respond to most emails on Fridays (unless they’re urgent and important). And though I’ve often kept my email tab open all day, lately I avoid doing that, to keep my focus on my priorities for the day.

As far as obligations, it has been an ongoing practice for me to avoid feeling obligated to almost anything. Very few actions are truly necessary. But often, someone asks me for a favor and I agree to it. Then of course, I will feel obligated, though not necessarily in a bad way. I have learned to be much more careful about agreeing to do things. I only agree if I am confident that I am enthusiastic to help and I have the time available. If things happen to change and I am no longer enthusiastic or I no longer have the time though, I am at peace with changing plans.

Of course, most of the types of “obligations” I would get involved in are not matters of life and death.  

I also choose my words carefully. I avoid making promises, and rather I might say “I’m happy to help with this when I have time.”

What about “wanting to be liked.” How do I handle that?

When I was younger, I often did worry if people liked me or not. But in time, I’ve learned that it’s more important to live life on my terms. I’m not interested in living a life where I make decisions based on whether others agree or like them. I’m the one living this life and dealing with my actions and their outcomes, not others.

Though of course, most of us want to be liked. The healthy approach to being likable is to be kind, helpful, loving, and also authentic.

It's normal to want to be liked, but if you make one misstep and someone no longer wants to be your friend, perhaps that’s alright. Do you need a friend who is ready to leave you when you make a simple mistake?

Understand this: We all have immense power to act freely, but we tend to give up that power to objects or other people. When you feel compelled to do something, lacking alternatives, that moment is when you are losing your freedom.

When you think “I should,” is that really something you should do, or is it just a thoughtless habit you have fallen into? Perhaps someone guilted you into thinking you should do something. Often, when I hear “I should” in my mind, I realize that there is a societal belief system at work. The thought that “I should” is coming more from societal expectations than from my true self.

As an example, consider if a friend is moving and he wants your help. He calls you the day he is moving to request that you help him out. But you already have your own plans for the day, and you do not have time to help.

Your friend is adamant – he needs help now. “If you do not help a friend in need, what kind of friend are you,” he says.

The societal voice in your head starts to say: “I should help him move if I am a good friend.”

But the truth is you have the right to plan your life, prioritize what is important to you, and decline to help anyone for any reason. Are you going to allow something that pops in front of you to control your life, or are you going to choose freedom? (Of course, you are free to choose to do what pops in front of you if that is your conscious choice.)

Maybe you want to be an excellent friend (or sibling, spouse, etc.), and that is fine, but does being a great friend mean that you always do what your friends want?

Are you here to please everyone around you, and disregard your own needs, wants, and feelings? Then, where is your freedom?

The above situation with a friend actually did happen to me. I had other priorities, so I did not end up helping him move (though I helped him move on other occasions).

Later, the same friend called me up again. We were 20 years old at the time.

He said: “Hey, I’m in jail. I was driving with an expired license, and I need you to bail me out for $500. I’m sure you’re good for it. I can’t have my parents finding out about this, so just bail me out, and I’ll pay you right back… Otherwise, I might end up spending a couple of nights here.”

I wasn’t comfortable with giving him $500 when I knew, more likely than not, I’d never see the money again.

I also wasn’t happy to see that as a 20-year-old adult, he was scared of his parents finding out about his poor life choices. I wanted him to own his poor life decisions and actually learn something.

His spending a few nights in jail seemed like it might just be the medicine he needed to start getting his life together. So I exercised my freedom and told him I wasn’t going to bail him out.

A last, important kind of freedom I want to discuss is the freedom to truly be yourself. If you place too much importance on who others think you are, who they expect you to be, or who they wish you to be, then this can restrict your freedom.

Perhaps others expect you to follow a specific career path. They say you’re good at science, so you should be a doctor. While it’s good to keep in mind your strengths, ultimately you are the one who has the power to decide what you do with your life. Don’t allow others’ perceptions or expectations of you to dictate your life.

Or perhaps you are especially quiet, and people expect you to be shy, timid, and a pushover. That’s fine. You can still be socially engaging, start conversations, or even tell jokes if you wish. Their expectations based on how you’ve behaved in the past do not restrict your freedom.

What if you’re often right about everything, and you feel tremendous pressure to continue to get everything right, and not make mistakes? If that’s the case, again, learn to release yourself from the expectations of other people. Even if you are usually right, everyone can make mistakes, and that is fine as long as you make an effort to learn from them.

I wonder if you will choose your freedom today. The options your life path can go on are limitless. But many things in this life keep us tied down. Most of the restrictions in our lives are ones that we have allowed to keep us limited. So if we are the ones who choose to engage with them, we can also choose to let them go or at least stop them from stealing our freedom. Ultimately, we can regain our personal power to be free.

Stop letting people, things, and even beliefs or ideas rob you of your personal freedom and options.

Choose to be free. And for any constraints or restrictions of your life, make sure they are truly worthy.

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7 Ways to Embrace Change in Your Life

Introduction

Recently, I read an advanced copy of my friend J-Ryze’s book, Eyes Wide Open, Vol. 1 (The world’s first self-help coffee table book), and he discusses the importance of embracing change. His book encouraged me to think about how we respond to change more deeply and has sparked today’s post.

I wonder: Do you embrace change? Have you seen that this is a powerful way to approach life? Keep in mind that seeing change positively can help you succeed, make more friends, adapt, and find happiness even when many changes are on the horizon.

Think of this the other way around. If you don’t embrace change, life will be tough. You’ll want things to be how they used to be, but we often can’t control or force things to stay the same.

When things change, do you often think about “dealing with it”? The problem with this thinking is that you are not embracing what is new in that case. Instead, you are viewing it as a problem or obstacle. You are resisting the change and only focusing on the bad that may come.

For most of us, embracing change means changing our perspective. Are you ready for that? Take today as an opportunity to do that and see where it leads you.

My viewpoint on change used to be quite harmful. I was suspicious and careful around new people, places, and activities. Now, I know that changes can bring a lot of good in this life, and changes are inevitable, so we might as well view them in a positive light.

The following are 7 ways to embrace change in your life:

1) Expect Change and Prepare for It

All you have to do is look at the world to see that change is everywhere. Movement is a change in position. Spending or earning money is a change in net worth. Relationships becoming closer or more distant is a change in how you value the people around you.

Of course, some significant parts of our lives may stay the same day after day or even year after year. Perhaps you are close to the same family members, work at the same job, or live in the same place, for example.

To a certain extent, we can design our lives to have predictability and to be the same from one day to the next. But we do not have complete control over that.

Eventually, something changes even if we do not expect it or predict it to happen. Sometimes those changes are minor, and sometimes they are major.

It helps to get along in life if we understand that change is always here and change is always coming. We might as well expect it to happen and prepare for the more likely changes in our lives. To resist change is to resist life and reality as it is. That approach is not helpful and can make us miserable.

My wife and I have moved every year or two for many years. Some of this was foreseen, but many times it was not. In our last move, due to reasons that are not relevant here, we lived in Alabama for less than a year. We had not planned to move to Alabama, and we had not planned to move out of Alabama (that quickly), but it happened.

Multiple changes have also happened in our lives recently, and we will likely move again this year. At this point, I would feel like a fool not to expect change. I’ve seen the pattern that unforeseen events tend to happen, and we tend to need to move quite often. Even if you may not need to move, it is helpful to consider that a significant change may happen in your life, and it is better to be ready.

My way to be ready for a change, in this case, is that I am not upset if we need to move. I already knew it would happen, so it was easier for me to see our current location as a temporary stop along the way somewhere else.

In your case, you may need to move to a new office, job, or location, or it may even be as simple as the old vehicle that you were used to no longer starts, and you need to get used to a new one. If you see that these changes can happen at any time, you will be ready for them when they happen.

2) Try New Things

When a friend wants you to join in on an activity you’ve never done, if your gut reaction is to decline because you’re unfamiliar with the task, reconsider this. Just because you’ve never made pottery, gone bowling, or been on a long road trip doesn’t mean you can’t try it out and have fun.

Even if you have tried something once in the past and you did not enjoy it, I would encourage you to be willing to give it another chance. Within a domain or type of activity, there are many ways to experience it. If you travel to one or two places and you do not enjoy the experience, that does not necessarily mean that you will not enjoy traveling to other locations.

I used to say “No” to most things I was invited to or when someone asked me to try something new. But eventually, I realized that when I agreed to do something new, I learned, and often, I enjoyed myself. Even if things didn’t go as I would have liked, there was tremendous value in trying something out and pushing myself in a new direction.

One interesting new thing I tried a year ago was skiing in Colorado. I accompanied my wife to a work conference there, and it was a unique opportunity to try out this activity. This was a challenge, but ultimately skiing felt freeing and gave us some joy. The hotel we stayed in also had a setup where there were hot tubs outside in the wintry weather, so we could enjoy being comfortably warmed while still seeing nature, mountains, and even snow around us.

3) Change Routines Regularly

In the self-development world, habits are often a hot topic. Many seek new habits to incorporate into their lives for better health, and wealth, or to strive for success. While habits can be helpful, we should also look for ways to break up routines in our lives that are overly rigid. If you begin to feel that you must do things in one particular way, it is an excellent time to try changing that routine to help you become more adaptable.

Of course, habits can also be implemented with the mindset of changing routines. Perhaps you can re-evaluate your habits periodically to avoid having them get stale. If you like to exercise, for example, you may focus on swimming for one quarter, biking next, running, and finally, weightlifting. Or you may focus on a different exercise daily if that suits you.

Is there something else you routinely do the same way – perhaps the meals you cook, the shops you visit, or how you engage in conversation? Then consider changing something in your approach.

Another way that we engage in routines in our lives is during our spare time. In your free time, do you always tend to watch TV, browse social media, or read the same genre of books? Is there something you could switch up?

The point here isn’t that doing the same things regularly is necessarily harmful. However, we should remember that if we get too used to needing to do the same types of tasks, in the same way, at the same times every day, then we are not building resilience to changes that will inevitably come.

Personally, when it comes to working, I tend to work regular hours on weekdays. Yet it is a natural part of my job that I do distinct kinds of tasks on different days, depending on my overall goals. Also, I travel regularly to accompany my wife on her work trips, vacations, or family visits. This helps to provide a regular break to some of my routines. Some of these travels also involve different countries where I may practice speaking another language, and this provides a break from my routine.

4) Learn Something New Regularly

When something in your life changes, you will often find that you must learn something new. For example, if you move to a new area, people will likely do things differently. Or perhaps your workplace will stop using one piece of software and use a different one requiring you to change your approach entirely. As another example, maybe your spouse needs to go out of town for a few weeks, and now you need to learn some tasks around the house they used to take care of.

When you think of what it means to learn something new, I will encourage you to expand on how you view this. Many think of reading, courses, or specific skills when learning. These are helpful examples, but for anything that you enjoy or you are curious about, you can learn more about it. Learning doesn’t only apply to challenging or school-related topics.

Learning something new also does not need to be overly ambitious if you don’t want it to be. You could look up any new words you come across. You can watch a documentary. Otherwise, you could go to an arts and crafts shop and buy a kit to try creating something independently. YouTube can be a helpful resource where you can see experts do something, and you can learn by observing them. You may even practice conversing with new people regularly, as you will likely learn about new topics this way.

Many of us think of learning as another chore, and it takes some commitment and work. Still, the issue is that if we are not learning regularly and wait until we need to learn something, this tends to make our lives much more difficult.

You will be better off embracing change, learning regularly, and assuming that change is coming. Instead, if you only react to changes that happen around you and learn when it is absolutely necessary, then you will constantly be trying to catch up with life, feeling left behind.

Consider this example of life change, which is quite common. Imagine if the “reliable” industry you have worked in for twenty years is disrupted, and the job you used to have suddenly no longer exists. In such a case, the person who has learned new skills and abilities will feel more confident and capable of finding new employment.

I use this example to show you that the person who learns and embraces change as a lifestyle is much more capable of managing, adjusting, and benefiting from the changes that inevitably happen.

A person who does not learn regularly and resists change for years or decades may be fine for some time. Still, eventually, there is likely to be a major shift to “deal with,” and this may feel like an overwhelming challenge.

Interestingly, learning something new can also help you to learn many further lessons. For example, in this post, I share life lessons that I learned from playing chess.

5) Spend More Time with People Who Embrace Change

If you reflect on some people in your life, you will see that some have a much more open and positive view of change, while others do not.

The people who embrace change are the ones who like to do what I’ve already mentioned above: try new things, change routines, and learn new things.

Some people like to do new things all of the time, and you do not need to do that if you do not want to, but it may help you to make friends or to spend more time with such people.  

When you spend more time with people who embrace change, their open and positive outlook toward change will begin to rub off on you. In time, you will look forward to new experiences and opportunities.

Due to spending more time with some people who embrace change, I have come to feel much more comfortable with changes as they happen in my life. But there was a time when I tended to fear when something new was coming. I was not confident that I would be able to figure out something new, and that was partly what fed into the fear.

Yet, having lived through change repeatedly, I no longer view it as something to fear. This is just something that requires adaptation, ongoing learning, and persistence.

When you spend more time with people who have a favorable view toward change, you gain confidence that you can get through new changes on your own. You welcome and embrace it.

Sometimes things in my life change, and they are beyond my control. But other times, I may decide that life is not going in the direction that was meant for me, and then I choose to make changes. Either way, change is not to be dreaded or resisted. It happens, we flow with it, and we grow from it. Ultimately, if we get used to embracing change as a way of life, we learn to benefit from it more and more.

6.     Spend More Time with People Who Think Differently

When we think of change, we tend to think of changes happening in our lives or the world around us, but there are also mental changes. I would advise you to embrace some mental changes. To do this, open yourself up to other minds or experiences that can cause you to change the way you think about something.

Many of us are inclined to surround ourselves with people who think similarly and believe or behave as we do. Still, there is also value in sharing or exchanging ideas with people who propose different and insightful ideas that you may initially disagree with or are unsure of.

Befriending such people will help to encourage your mind to work in new ways rather than have you rigidly think in the same patterns you always have.

Understand that a mind that holds onto the same ideas and has a rigid way of thinking isn’t necessarily correct about all its views. Most likely, it’s just a mind that has not been adequately challenged and tested. It has held onto its views through habit without embracing new or different perspectives.

Keep in mind that embracing new perspectives does not mean that you need to accept all of them. It just means you are willing to keep an open mind and consider them more deeply rather than resisting them and clinging to old ideas.

Some different thinkers who have helped introduce me to new thoughts or ways of thinking include J-Ryze and Arthur von Boennighausen. J-Ryze along with Cynshine have an Eyes Wide Open podcast that lives up to its name if you are willing to embrace new ideas. And Arthur has a recommended reading list that is likely to push you to think in new ways.

From a relatively young age, I was highly motivated to learn about new ideas that pushed me to think and understand in new ways. However, this is likely the only way to embrace change that I was good at earlier in life. The rest of these points were challenging, and I resisted them. But eventually, I saw that resisting change caused me more pain and trouble than simply accepting it. Finally, I moved beyond merely accepting change, and I began to embrace it more and more.

A further resource you may want to read if you would like help thinking differently is my blog post, Think Differently to Become a Difference Maker.

7) Look Forward to the Unknown

In society, we often build our lives to ensure things to the best of our abilities. Going to college (or studying a specific skill set) is supposed to help ensure you get a good job. Buying auto, home, and health insurance is supposed to help ensure you will not have to go bankrupt if an unforeseen disaster happens.

Generally, we avoid the unknown as much as we can. But not all changes are predictable and known. Sometimes, things change suddenly, and no one asks for our opinion. It just happens, and you must adapt to it.

There may be a time when you have to accept that this life has led you into a situation where you need to stumble around and figure things out for yourself. You can’t magically escape this unknown territory, so you must find your way through.

If you truly embrace change, you may find it in yourself to embrace the unknown as well. At some point in your life, you may find yourself in more emotional turmoil than you’ve ever experienced, more lost than ever before, or in a country where nothing is familiar. And if this happens, hopefully, you will be able to look forward to whatever this new unknown feeling or place brings you. Understand that even tremendous change that takes you outside of or beyond everything you know is not necessarily a bad thing. Be open to that idea and you will be in the best position to get through or take advantage of any unforeseen changes that come your way.

I have had to learn to embrace the unknown and whatever it may bring. When we know the changes that are coming, we can plan and prepare for them, but when we don’t know what may be changing, it is much more challenging to prepare. Yet when you make embracing change your way of life, you learn that whatever changes come your way, you will get through them and prevail.

The unknown merely becomes a higher-level challenge to see how you will respond to this new change. It may not be clear why it is there or where it is taking you, but it is testing you. How will you respond to it?

Conclusion

Embracing change is a key way to live a better life, and find success and joy. Alternatively, if you cannot embrace change, this makes life difficult.

7 ways to embrace change are: expect change and prepare for it, try new things, change routines regularly, learn something new regularly, spend more time with people who embrace change, spend more time with people who think differently, and look forward to the unknown.

I have personally seen that for times when I resisted change, I suffered and probably caused more suffering as well. Instead, I was more at peace and joyful when I embraced change and allowed it to happen smoothly without resistance.

If you have resisted and “dealt with change,” how will you move closer to accepting and embracing change? Which point above will you focus on today? (Feel free to answer below in the comments).

Did you enjoy this post? You won’t want to miss my next one - Learn to Love a Challenge (and Stop Being Scared)

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Note: Since publishing this post, J-Ryze has published Eyes Wide Open, Vol. 1 (The world’s first self-help coffee table book). I served as an advanced reader for the book and I found it insightful and captivating. To learn more about the project, visit this page.